DIYer’s How Do you do it?

By: LaLacia Kane

               I have a confession to make…I love doing projects but have the patience of New York Taxi Driver when it comes to the final product.

               Since we have moved to Hawaii my husband and I have slowly been getting the house put together. So many projects in my mind, so many visions of how I wanted the outcome to be and the reality of my impatience hits when I start a project.  

The first project was my daughter’s bathroom cabinets. They were open, not satisfactory. Her room also doubles as the guest bedroom and bathroom, (we have not had visitors yet—soon Gma T and Gpa Don will be here!) But the fact that she lives like a 20-year-old frat a constant battle of eyeing those open shelves, the towels on the floor and the overflowing bathroom trash had me wanting to punch a wall. The solution a tension rod, which was free cause it was already in my house and some island style curtains purchased from Walmart. I hung them up, but they were a little bit too long so one day I bought a sewing kit and sloppily sewed them up, my girls in awe “mom what are you doing?”  I hate sewing…I barely passed Home Economics class in the 8th grade because I rush through projects—creating a pillow that was not exactly square and coloring a bunny with a fabric pen, not waiting for the outline to dry. Did I mention that I was impatient? The curtains turned out okay and now I do not want to punch a wall because of the open cabinets, but towels on the floor and the overflowing trash can—you know like a normal mom.

               The next project, my mini home office and when I say mini, I mean mini. The space is at the top of our stairs and is about 4 feet of cabinet space, underneath our winter blankets that will never see the light of day again. I set up my printer on a file cabinet at the top of the stairs, hung up my big school calendar, and my cork board. That was an easy project and now I am officially ready for school, when I want to work up there and do not mind sweating my non-existent balls off.

               The last project is the thorn in my side—our dining room table. The table has been with us since Virginia in 2017 when the movers lost our table from Key West. The Key West move is another blog post and, in my memoir, Painful Farts A Memoir of a Botched Gallbladder Surgery, so many things went wrong during that move including a three-week hospital stay for myself, leaving Miami with a bile bag and that said bile bag getting pulled out on the plane by an inconsiderate passenger rushing me off the airplane.

I digress though back to the table… the 5 feet by 3-foot-wide table with a bench and four chairs has good bones. But with good bones this table was trashed from many art projects, play dough sessions, baking session and memories. The table needed a makeover, and my window of opportunity arrived when my husband had duty from Monday to Tuesday. I had 48 hours in the garage without his car in there, now was the time. After a few trips to Walmart and gathering supplies, I also had to go to the HOME DEPOT. On my top list of things, I hate besides sewing is—The Home Depot. But when Walmart installs a new paint machine and does not train their employees what’s a mom on a mission to do? Just go without a dining room table— absolutely not, we still eat dinner there as a family every night, we are old fashioned.

               When I picked up the girls from school, I informed them of the great news—we had to go to Home Depot and pick out paint for the table. The hard part for me and doing a project myself is not only rushing through the project and thinking half through the project, “Ashley Home Store also looks good right about now,” but picking out the details. I have an image of what I want and how the project should turn out, but sometimes the final product goes sideways. Lord help us when we buy a home, we will be in the paint aisle forever. The girls helped me pick out an ocean-tealish blue color, a light coral pink and a white. All these paints had fancy names, but it was a fever dream just to remember them, who names the paints anyways? I want that job. Bungwhole Blue after Beavis and Butthead sounds good. Gremlin Green to match the puke color of when your kid threw up on you three years ago. Puke Pink the color you put in your guest room, so the in-laws do not overstay their welcome. I joke, I joke, I love my in-laws, but seriously I want that job naming paint and tasting ice cream. Anyone hiring?

               Okay so the final project…I sanded down the table (we have a small electric sander) and about half through sanding down the top of the table, sweating in my garage, and racing the clock of having to pick up the girls from school—I thought why didn’t we just buy a new dining room table? This sucks. Ashley Home Store would deliver, but who wants an Ikea cookie cutter table when we can have a unique homemade one, homemade and refurbished through my sweat, time and figurative tears.

When we got home, I laid out a plastic drop cloth joking to a friend on the phone “I feel like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho” the joke went over her head. I then decided to let my youngest “go ham” on painting one of the chairs coral Pink—good thing I put down the drop cloth. Chaos, collateral damage and mess always happens whenever I am doing a project. No matter how organized and clean I try to be in the process.

               My mom suggested I sponge paint the table. At first, I thought no it’s not 1985, who even sponge paints anymore, but moms are right, listen to your mom. Sponge painting the table worked and the table looked great! In two days, I managed to transform our trashed dining room table to a unique island style dining room table—that you cannot buy in a store, well maybe you could but it would cost a lot more than 75.00 dollars I spent on supplies. Plus, it makes our living look bright and airy. My husband even said, do not try to pat yourself on the back too hard but I like the table. I told my husband I am too sore from Orange Theory, sanding, painting, and carrying the table to even reach my back.

  So…back to the original question regular do it yourselfers--how do you do it? How do you have the patience to create amazing pieces out of old furniture? Let me know your tips and tricks for patience, persistence and creating your own furniture. Until next week…this was an Adventure in Lala Land.